Anticipation

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope" - Psalm 130:5

Growing up in the Lutheran church, our family always very closely observed the liturgical calendar. In particular, the Advent and Lenten seasons led to spiritual reflection, serving as rhythms and patterns throughout the year to focus the church on different moods and themes focusing on the life of Jesus. Perhaps it's because of this upbringing that anticipation of an event has always felt just as exciting and meaningful to me as the event itself. Anticipation provides time for reflection, richly coloring an event's significance.

This past spring, I was greatly anticipating Easter. Not only was it an opportunity to go home and spend time with my family at our annual barbeque on the home ranch, but because this year, more than ever, I have truly experienced pure joy because of forgiveness in Christ.

Earlier this year, I had been really struggling and was trying to handle everything myself. I was angry and I was miserable. I had thoughts along the lines of "What if I never feel happy again? What if I struggle with this forever?" And so what I finally did was what I should have been doing all along--I had a big, long talk with God. I asked Him for grace and peace. I asked Him to make me more forgiving, of myself and of others. I asked him to help me let go of things I couldn't control and choose love. And after I poured out my anxieties and fear and frustrations, I paused. I listened.

What happened felt nothing short of miraculous. My heart was almost immediately softened. A burden was lifted. I was filled with gratitude. I felt happier, lighter, joyful. As I went about the rest of my evening, I found myself being more kind, graceful and patient towards Daniel, my family, my friends.

That was all the work of God. I have no doubt.

And so, as I continued through the season of Lent, preparing my heart for the celebration of Jesus conquering death, I found myself truly understanding the purpose of the season. The pause for reflection. Even though we already know the end of the story--Jesus rising from the dead and conquering death--the anticipation of that moment provides an opportunity to pause and reflect on what that means for us: a covering of grace, a release of our personal struggles and peace in our hearts because of assurance we have of what is to come.

It makes it not so much some event that happened; but instead a beautiful love story that is happening. I am thankful for this season for reflection, as we anticipate the heavenly glory that is to come.