Two

On August 4th, D & I celebrated 730 (!) days of marriage.

As hard as it is to believe, two whole years have passed since we got married. Daniel and I got to celebrate this year with a perfect long weekend in Santa Barbara. We kicked off the weekend with a beautiful celebration of the marriage of two of our good friends, Rich and Laura, and spent the rest of the weekend hot tubbing, wine tasting, and eating out at some old and new favorites on the American Riviera.

Gorgeous first dance as husband + wife.

The view wasn't bad.

We absolutely LOVED our stay at the Canary Hotel. It was in a perfect location right on State Street. The bed was so SO comfy, the rooftop pool was beautiful, and a bottle of bubbly with a cute little postcard was there to great us upon arrival.

Somebody's gotta win... sorry D (but not too sorry.)

We finished the weekend with an indulgent afternoon having lunch at La Super Rica and then headed up to Los Olivos, home to one of my very favorite wine tasting rooms, Saarloos & Sons. Where else can you do a cupcake flight along with a your flight of wine? We also got to do an olive oil tasting, and left with fig balsamic and blood orange olive oil. Super excited to make some salad dressings with those.

So much YES.

So basically it was the best weekend. We didn't really have many plans, and we just sort of did whatever we felt like. It was so nice to just enjoy each other's company, with no agenda but to relax.

 The biggest topic of conversation over the weekend was how much can change in a year. When we reflected on our second year of marriage, we saw it mostly characterized by growth. Where year one felt like a time of adjustment, figuring out how to live together and be adults, year two felt like we were really working towards reaching and accomplishing new personal, professional and financial goals. A couple of things we learned:

1) Your spouse is your biggest asset in helping you accomplish your goals. When we first got married, I had the attitude that despite being married, I would still get to accomplish all the personal and professional goals that I had set for myself. The longer I'm married, the more I realize that D has helped me accomplish more than anything I could have done on my own. Whether it be running alongside me and pushing me to train harder, reviewing my resume, doing a load of laundry or cooking a meal, I feel less stressed, and therefore more able to focus on my goals, knowing that I have a supportive partner to help me get through it all.

2) Say you're sorry as soon as possible. I feel comforted that D and I can argue and are still able to say we're sorry before even ending the conversation. Having a disagreement is an inevitable part of marriage, but immediately apologizing for speaking a little too harshly or not seeing an issue from the other person's point of view helps remind us that at the end of the day, we are on the same team, and that we argue in order to reach a mutual understanding. Not to win. Disclaimer: wait until you actually do mean it before you say it. There is nothing worse than a huffy, insincere "I'm sorry" muttered under your breath.

3) Make happiness a priority (and don't be a martyr.) I'm no hedonist, but I do know that when I'm happy as an individual, I'm a better partner to Daniel. Having had major changes in circumstances in the past year, with both of us getting new, better-fitting jobs that we love, we are even happier as individuals, which has spilled into our marriage. Prioritizing our personal happiness also sometimes means time apart. Every so often that means that I need a night alone to read by myself with a glass of wine, or that D needs to zone out with ESPN, but letting ourselves invest in a tiny bit of selfishness here and there definitely makes us appreciate our time together even more. It's important to not afraid to ask each other for what we want, instead of harboring resentment for not getting it.

xo, S