Thirteen Point One

"If you can dream it, you can do it." - Walt Disney

Today, Daniel and I ran the Disneyland Half Marathon.

Before I signed up for the race, I'd been living on autopilot. I would go to work, come home, maybe get some exercise in if I felt like it, eat dinner with D, go to bed. But I was really, really tired. After several months of severe exhaustion, where I could barely get out of bed in the morning and would crash when I got home, I thought that something might be wrong. In March of 2013, I saw a doctor and was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. Through treatment, I thankfully began to feel like myself again. But I learned firsthand that I can't take my health for granted, and I realized I needed to get out of my rut by conquering a new challenge. I started to get excited about accomplishing a goal that I'd always wanted to achieve, but had never been sure that I could: a half marathon.

I had thought about doing a half marathon for a few years, but every time I had an opportunity to register for one, I would find myself putting it off. "I'll do that after I get in better shape" or "It's a little too expensive" were my most frequent excuses. So this past January, I closed my eyes really tight as I clicked "submit" on the Disneyland Half Marathon registration page. At that point, I was not a runner. Not even close. I hadn't run so much as a mile without wanting to pass out. And I am not at all a morning person. I knew it would be tough to get up early for long runs, to make myself push through pain. I asked D if he would sign up with me and be my training buddy, and thankfully he agreed. We had no idea how much of a sacrifice we would be making of our time and energy to train. Over the past 8 months, it has taken a lot of giving up of things we would rather be doing to make sure we were prepared to run 13.1 miles. Thankfully D helped push me to train harder and run longer, even when sometimes it was the last thing in the world I wanted to do.

All the training was more than worth it this morning when we crossed the finish line. I actually cried happy tears. My feet hurt and I was a sweaty mess, but I felt something even beyond happiness. I felt accomplished.

This experience taught me that I don't have as many limitations as I thought. If I can dream it, I really can do it. I replaced excuses with sweat, apathy with accomplishment. And it feels amazing.

xo, S

Two

On August 4th, D & I celebrated 730 (!) days of marriage.

As hard as it is to believe, two whole years have passed since we got married. Daniel and I got to celebrate this year with a perfect long weekend in Santa Barbara. We kicked off the weekend with a beautiful celebration of the marriage of two of our good friends, Rich and Laura, and spent the rest of the weekend hot tubbing, wine tasting, and eating out at some old and new favorites on the American Riviera.

Gorgeous first dance as husband + wife.

The view wasn't bad.

We absolutely LOVED our stay at the Canary Hotel. It was in a perfect location right on State Street. The bed was so SO comfy, the rooftop pool was beautiful, and a bottle of bubbly with a cute little postcard was there to great us upon arrival.

Somebody's gotta win... sorry D (but not too sorry.)

We finished the weekend with an indulgent afternoon having lunch at La Super Rica and then headed up to Los Olivos, home to one of my very favorite wine tasting rooms, Saarloos & Sons. Where else can you do a cupcake flight along with a your flight of wine? We also got to do an olive oil tasting, and left with fig balsamic and blood orange olive oil. Super excited to make some salad dressings with those.

So much YES.

So basically it was the best weekend. We didn't really have many plans, and we just sort of did whatever we felt like. It was so nice to just enjoy each other's company, with no agenda but to relax.

 The biggest topic of conversation over the weekend was how much can change in a year. When we reflected on our second year of marriage, we saw it mostly characterized by growth. Where year one felt like a time of adjustment, figuring out how to live together and be adults, year two felt like we were really working towards reaching and accomplishing new personal, professional and financial goals. A couple of things we learned:

1) Your spouse is your biggest asset in helping you accomplish your goals. When we first got married, I had the attitude that despite being married, I would still get to accomplish all the personal and professional goals that I had set for myself. The longer I'm married, the more I realize that D has helped me accomplish more than anything I could have done on my own. Whether it be running alongside me and pushing me to train harder, reviewing my resume, doing a load of laundry or cooking a meal, I feel less stressed, and therefore more able to focus on my goals, knowing that I have a supportive partner to help me get through it all.

2) Say you're sorry as soon as possible. I feel comforted that D and I can argue and are still able to say we're sorry before even ending the conversation. Having a disagreement is an inevitable part of marriage, but immediately apologizing for speaking a little too harshly or not seeing an issue from the other person's point of view helps remind us that at the end of the day, we are on the same team, and that we argue in order to reach a mutual understanding. Not to win. Disclaimer: wait until you actually do mean it before you say it. There is nothing worse than a huffy, insincere "I'm sorry" muttered under your breath.

3) Make happiness a priority (and don't be a martyr.) I'm no hedonist, but I do know that when I'm happy as an individual, I'm a better partner to Daniel. Having had major changes in circumstances in the past year, with both of us getting new, better-fitting jobs that we love, we are even happier as individuals, which has spilled into our marriage. Prioritizing our personal happiness also sometimes means time apart. Every so often that means that I need a night alone to read by myself with a glass of wine, or that D needs to zone out with ESPN, but letting ourselves invest in a tiny bit of selfishness here and there definitely makes us appreciate our time together even more. It's important to not afraid to ask each other for what we want, instead of harboring resentment for not getting it.

xo, S

Moms

I absolutely love this picture of both mine and D's moms. I am so grateful for everything my own mother taught me; how to serve others, how to sing, how to sew, how to put family first, how to be creative. And I'm thankful for Daniel's mom raising him to be the sweet, caring, positive, funny, generous man he is. And now, I feel so blessed that we have both of them in our lives. They are D & I's biggest supporters, comforters, and friends. We love you both. Thank you, for everything.

Back to the Future

Let's get in the DeLorean and go back to November 2013. Some highlights!

1) Thanksgiving 2013 was spent with D's side in Orange County. After filling ourselves to the brim on Thursday with our sweet family, Kelli, D and I had our annual day-after-Thanksgiving trip to Disneyland to walk it all off (well, not really, since Dole Whip, gumbo and churros were involved.) To be honest, I almost didn't want to go--it was raining in the morning--but I'm so glad I got over my disinclination because it was such a fun day. Even with no fireworks show, Disneyland at Christmas is perfect.

2) Christmas break meant nearly two full weeks off. Praise the Lord, I love my job perks. We went home to Turlock and celebrated with my family and made Kopfwurst and spent time with friends. Break ended on a sweet note with my dear friend Katie's wedding in Orange County and a quiet NYE celebration at home with a champagne and a homemade steak and lobster dinner.

NYE 2014

3) We celebrated D's birthday together on January 5th--I made lemon blueberry ricotta pancakes in the morning, then Ben and Pippa surprised D by coming up to watch the Packers/49ers playoff game (that sadly ended in heartbreak for all of us.) We had dinner at Enterprise Fish Co. and ended the day with the realization that D really is getting old, as we found ourselves in our pajamas on the couch, watching the season premiere of Downton Abbey. 

4) We made the trip out to Arizona to celebrate my sweet friend Jenny's wedding. It was so fun to help behind the scenes and help make her day go smoothly, and to see her marry the love of her life. We also got to visit my Grandma on the way home, which was a huge bonus and something I don't get to do nearly often enough!

Jenny's beautiful backyard wedding

5) D landed a new job with McBeard Media and started the day after his birthday! He loves working on movie campaigns and best of all, gets to work from home. No commute + jeans erryday + working from our cozy couch = recipe for success.

6) Valentine's Day was sweet; we had dinner at a little French cafe around the corner from us. We had a low-key date since I was packing and taking off for San Francisco the next morning for my sweet friend Emma's bachelorette party. It was a super special weekend celebrating in the city. Emma is my oldest and dearest friend (we met when we were 3 years old at our moms' Jazzercise class) and I was so honored to get to stand by her side last weekend at her wedding (!!! Photos to come in a separate post !!!)

For all the highlights we have had so far, we have also experienced some setbacks and disappointments, too. As Dr. Emmett Brown says, "Once this baby hits 88 mph, you're gonna see some serious sh*t." Marriage is kind of like that. You can't do life together and not see some serious stuff or hit some bumps in the road. As D & I navigate these together, our relationship has become stronger and more life-giving. So I'm grateful for those tough times, even though I kind of also simultaneously kind of also hate them. 2014 has already brought so much growth in both of us--personally, spiritually, relationally--and we can't wait to see what the rest of the year holds.

xo,
S

Anticipation

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope" - Psalm 130:5

Growing up in the Lutheran church, our family always very closely observed the liturgical calendar. In particular, the Advent and Lenten seasons led to spiritual reflection, serving as rhythms and patterns throughout the year to focus the church on different moods and themes focusing on the life of Jesus. Perhaps it's because of this upbringing that anticipation of an event has always felt just as exciting and meaningful to me as the event itself. Anticipation provides time for reflection, richly coloring an event's significance.

This past spring, I was greatly anticipating Easter. Not only was it an opportunity to go home and spend time with my family at our annual barbeque on the home ranch, but because this year, more than ever, I have truly experienced pure joy because of forgiveness in Christ.

Earlier this year, I had been really struggling and was trying to handle everything myself. I was angry and I was miserable. I had thoughts along the lines of "What if I never feel happy again? What if I struggle with this forever?" And so what I finally did was what I should have been doing all along--I had a big, long talk with God. I asked Him for grace and peace. I asked Him to make me more forgiving, of myself and of others. I asked him to help me let go of things I couldn't control and choose love. And after I poured out my anxieties and fear and frustrations, I paused. I listened.

What happened felt nothing short of miraculous. My heart was almost immediately softened. A burden was lifted. I was filled with gratitude. I felt happier, lighter, joyful. As I went about the rest of my evening, I found myself being more kind, graceful and patient towards Daniel, my family, my friends.

That was all the work of God. I have no doubt.

And so, as I continued through the season of Lent, preparing my heart for the celebration of Jesus conquering death, I found myself truly understanding the purpose of the season. The pause for reflection. Even though we already know the end of the story--Jesus rising from the dead and conquering death--the anticipation of that moment provides an opportunity to pause and reflect on what that means for us: a covering of grace, a release of our personal struggles and peace in our hearts because of assurance we have of what is to come.

It makes it not so much some event that happened; but instead a beautiful love story that is happening. I am thankful for this season for reflection, as we anticipate the heavenly glory that is to come.